If passion was a colour, you might assume it is purple. Or maybe, hot red. Walk through any book store to locate the romance section and you’ll find yourself surrounded by shades of purple and red. Each cover advertises the passions you will experience on its pages. They use a lot of silky legs and heaving chests too.

These publishers know their customers well. They know that people hunger for sexual passion. Many readers use their books to prime what little passion they have, or to replace a passion lost or never experienced.

I believe that palette is far too limited. Their understanding of passion lacks breadth and depth. Passion for them, is all about sex. Marriage passion includes sex, but only as a part of the whole - one recurring colour on a large, complex canvas.

If I were painting a marriage, I would use other colours to express passion. Bright yellows for those glorious days that glow with life, shades of green to show the growth that passion brings.

I would even add some browns and greys. Those colours would represent the usual days with their down-to-earth duties and quiet endurance.

And, I think I would need a little black, too. Black, like the darkness that surrounds us when a loved one is ill. Black, like the despondency that chokes us when life is unfair. Black, like the fear we feel when we must make a major decision, but have no idea what to do.

One master, Ver Meer, was a genius in his use of white. Combined with his uncanny perception of light, his whites gave his paintings luminance, as though they had some hidden source for their radiance. Yes, I would add white to my marriage painting, to represent the hidden radiance that lights up all healthy marriages and makes them shine. You have seen it, and when you see it you wish for it.

In marriage, passion is far more than romance and sex. Passion is a deep, abiding desire to experience a lasting, satisfying, edifying marriage. That’s why you need so many colours to portray it. Passion is much more than emotion. Popular culture never separates the two. To them, passion equals emotion. In the real lives we all live, passion motivates us when our emotions lie flat.

The core for this kind of passion - the force that keeps it throbbing in a marriage, comes from a combination of commitment and determination. I love to see that in couples. I know that with those qualities, and some patience and forbearance, they will paint a mural of great and subtle beauty.

But some marriages we encounter seem to lack colour. It’s as though the couple never learned how to make all the moments, with all their hues, part of their painting. Young children often do that. We have a three year old granddaughter whose entire world is pink. Her brother, a mature five year old, is all about red and blue. That’s cute in kids, but it’s just a stage. They will have to learn how to use all the colours, if they hope to become life artists.

I watched a man of eighty-eight, still healthy, caring for his wife, who has Parkinson’s Disease. They are all out of red and purple. They know that the time for those colours has passed. But how they paint! In kind words and thoughtful actions, I watch them love each other. Even black days have points of light where their love shines through.

The great artists used a whole rainbow of colours and hues to paint their masterpieces. In marriage, we paint by moments on a canvas of days. Our brushes are actions and words. Our colours are attitudes. Stroke by stroke, dot by dot, the painting grows. Each husband, each wife, adds to the canvas.

It’s time for some questions. Do you misunderstand passion? Is it all red and purple for you? Or, have you discovered how to express your passion in other colours?

I hope you are learning how to paint. I hope that God will teach you how to use the colours, blend the colours, and paint a marriage that many will admire.

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